Happy New Year 2013 (I hope so...)

It has been a while since I last wrote a post. Work demands haven't been so accomodating lately to grant me the liberty of self expression and idling in cyberspace. I haven't exactly known happiness since I started working here. Apart from a decent paycheck and a healthy bank balance, I am extremely unhappy and worrisome. As of yesterday, I just passed my 3-month milestone. How much longer do I need to suffer? How much more can I take before crumbling? I have often pondered what death feels like. Every night when lying in bed, I wish that I would go into eternal slumber, never to wake up to the horror that lies before me each day at work. From my office, a climb over the metal railing of the balcony and a leap all the way down 16 floors to my death would seem like an easy end to all my problems. Except that I can't bring myself to do such things. I don't want the whole world to see my innards and brains splattered on the ground below. And I can't bear to think of those closest to me mourning my "unnatural" death. Suicide just feels extremely selfish. So what can I do about this mess that I am drowning in?