Red and yellow and annoying repetitive songs

It's that time of the year again when all things red and loud get displayed and promoted prominently because... Chinese New Year is around the corner. With just 3 weeks to go, retailers are pushing hard to increase their turnover during this festive season. The Chinese community will be buying up fresh produce, seasonal food items and new clothes for the lunar new year. In Malaysia, there never seems to be a lack of an opportunity for a good sale. The Christmas/Year-end sales just ended 2 weeks ago. In my usual 'grinchy' attitude during this time of the year, I will be prudent and shun all things blaringly red and yellow, or anything associated with the season. The annoying repetitive festive music playing in the shopping mall will be treated as white noise whenever I come out for lunch break. In fact, if I had a choice, I'd rather shut myself up in a hole until CNY has gone. Peace and quiet will be plentiful and I do not need to answer to pesky relatives.

My living hell

We're almost reaching the middle mark of the month of January tomorrow and I haven't written anything since the new year began. For one, I just completed my first year end accounting close and have been working round the clock for 10 whole days including weekends. The last 2 weeks of my life in this new company has been nothing but a living hell. I have stayed back to work in the office until after 11pm and on one day stayed until 2am just to meet the ridiculously tight deadlines of the accounting close. Getting by with insufficient sleep, I can feel that my eyes have shrunken and I can see dark circles starting to appear under my eyes. Well, I heard it's all over now and it will not come back to haunt me until a year's time when year end accounting close comes again. That is, IF I am still here to face the torment again. But still, I feel like a part of me has been scarred, and that scar will never fully heal.

Happy New Year 2013 (I hope so...)

It has been a while since I last wrote a post. Work demands haven't been so accomodating lately to grant me the liberty of self expression and idling in cyberspace. I haven't exactly known happiness since I started working here. Apart from a decent paycheck and a healthy bank balance, I am extremely unhappy and worrisome. As of yesterday, I just passed my 3-month milestone. How much longer do I need to suffer? How much more can I take before crumbling? I have often pondered what death feels like. Every night when lying in bed, I wish that I would go into eternal slumber, never to wake up to the horror that lies before me each day at work. From my office, a climb over the metal railing of the balcony and a leap all the way down 16 floors to my death would seem like an easy end to all my problems. Except that I can't bring myself to do such things. I don't want the whole world to see my innards and brains splattered on the ground below. And I can't bear to think of those closest to me mourning my "unnatural" death. Suicide just feels extremely selfish. So what can I do about this mess that I am drowning in?